Posted by Mr. A on Thursday, April 29, 2010 / Labels: Analyze This
remotely touched on it before and was content to leave it there but it just keeps coming up. The Beautiful Struggler, Sister Toldja, has quite a few posts of late dedicated to this "(un)civil war" of sorts and within her most recent post she referenced others who have addressed the subject of "Bitter Brothers." Very Smart Brothas discussed something similar, as did the lovely OneChele, and many others. Read those blogs for their thoughts on bitter brothers. Most of what you'll read is about bitter brothers or rantings from a brother looking quite bitter. I'm going to be forthright and discuss it from the perspective of the bitter brother.
Fast forward to after high school but before the slow jam tapes. I finally had my first relationship when I was a month shy of 19. Get your late bloomer here! Anyway, she and I dated for about a year and then she cut me loose. Jamie Foxx screech. "The love walked out, pain walked in..." and along with that pain came bitterness. Any lady after her was fair game to f**k over. It didn't matter that my ex actually dug me in the first place because I wrote her off as a fluke and continued to consider myself romantically unnoticeable. The funny thing though is that I wasn't. The more women dug me, the more I didn't notice, the shittier I was to them, and the rest as they say...is cliche (<---worth clicking, sums up the creation of a bitter brother). I am not sharing this to justify being bitter. Although I do encourage anyone who encounters someone with a bitter habit to understand that there are contributory factors, just like anything else. I'm sharing this to add some context and I hope knowing this will help to not be so aggravated when encountering a bitter person because that's their monkey to deal with, not yours. Wish them well (or not) and move on, lest you join them and end up in their makeshift bitter crackhouse.
Fast forward even more to today. I am bitter no longer, but like other rehabbed individuals, every now and then I get a twinge of bitterness. I'm not perfect. How did I kick the bitter habit? It wasn't cold turkey, I assure you. There was no group and I didn't have a sponsor (not a sponsor like that trife song). I kicked through self reflection and my own "three step program." One, being bitter only makes you feel bad. Hell if I have to choose between being bitter or not...I choose not. It's a much happier life. Two, I realized that while every woman I may have wanted didn't always want me back, I couldn't say that NO woman wanted me. On the contrary oftentimes women saw more in me than I saw in myself. And that is the crux of everything. Dudes that are bitter are no different than ladies that are bitter. We're looking for outside validation that should come from inside and sometimes don't accept it even when we do get it. I STILL struggle with this. I finally recognized, acknowledged and embraced the things about me that are attractive and if there were things that weren't that were in my control, I own them. Three, women that don't want me, don't owe me anything and are entitled to pursue who and what they want be it good or not. We all have to live with our decisions whether it's persuing (subjectively speaking) "bad girls" or "bad boys." If the statistics are in men's favor the way they're presented (and they are) then even nice, bitter guys more than likely have a woman or two (or more) vying for their attention. Perhaps it is the bitter brothers being too selective? Who knows? What I do know is that at the end of the day, I realized, I love women (as people, not only sexually), even the ones who I am "romantically unnoticeable" to. What agenda am I advancing being bitter? None. What point am I proving? No point. Who am I getting back at? Nobody. I'm only trying to drag people down with me.
I understand being bitter. I was bitter. Sometimes I'm still bitter. But it's a useless emotion. Just because my pops didn't handle his to the best of his ability, that doesn't give me the right to turn around and do it to my children (when I have some). Just because someone robs my house, that's not an excuse to become a booster. And just because someone does me dirty, that doesn't mean I should be dirty. And yes, I have done some women dirty and I'm actually sorry for having done so. Being bitter is bullshit. If you're bitter, male or female, take issue with the person who is truly making you bitter and that's yourself. Be bitter about being bitter, deal with it, and then work on being happy.
In a previous entry I discussed my growing love for football, and that love is still on the rise. I caught some of the NFL draft last weekend and I am very much looking forward to the upcoming football season. The Giants picked up a DE (Pierre-Paul) who looks to be a beast! The entire NFC East is gonna be trouble, trouble. As for the AFC, good luck to any and all who play the Jets. The 2010 season will be the first time I'm paying attention to what's going on from A to Z (although I'm sure to skip a consonant here or there). Watching all the offseason moves, players being drafted, why they're being drafted, the strategies and all that has me charged!!! I know it's nothing major with all that's going on in the world but hey, it's the little things. Now if you ever see me stepping out looking like the dude in the picture above or talking like Marcus from WDIGMT by all means flog me, shoot me, and then burn the corpse. I don't love the Giants or LeAnn Rhimes enough to paint myself blue. Since I know that I won't allow myself to get that bad, all I ask is for a little patience because when Fantasy Football starts, I am going to be borderline committable. First freestyle riding, then Paula Abdul, now this. When I get fanatical, it ain't nothing nice. The source of many fanatics worldwide, said that [I am] not alone; so come on, what are you fanatical about?
Posted by Mr. A on Thursday, April 22, 2010 / Labels: Analyze This
"I gotta lotta dreams but I'm not really chasing mines..." -DMX, Get at Me Dog (warning: video clip not for the epileptic)
What are your dreams? Did you chase them? How'd you chase them? Are you still chasing them? How'd you hone in on what they are and what you could actually do to make them into a reality? Maybe you haven't honed in on them yet? Do you need some help? Do have some helpful tips to share? Step to the mic. I'd love to hear ideas people are willing to share, tools and tactics you have used, suggestions, and questions.
We're all a lover of dreams but we can only make love to reality. So how do the two become one?
Posted by Mr. A on Sunday, April 18, 2010 / Labels: no news is good news
I'm embarrased at amount of time that passes in between blog posts. Granted a lot of things have occurred personally but I try to shy away from getting too, too personal on this blog. In the interim I guess I should find something to talk about. Expect a more interesting blog entry that is more in line with the theme of what I am trying to establish here. Perhaps I should solicit what is going on in the world. For some reason I feel like I am in a fog. Ever have those moments when there is so much going on you don't know what the hell is going on? Slow motion proceeds at an accelarated pace. What's that all about?
Posted by Mr. A on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 / Labels: grade A
WDIGMT begins with the couples re-convening in the Bahamas for their annual(?) marital reaffirmation retreat. Each couple is dealing with some issues and the retreat serves as a reminder of why they are a couple in the first place. All of the couple's issues are pretty straightforward with the exception of Patricia and Gavin because there really is no explanation of exactly what their issue(s) are. It's partially grief from the loss of their son but none of that is ever explicitly stated. Gavin feels unloved and unappreciated, Patricia is hording her feelings and not sharing what is the root of her unhappines and they're coming undone. Terry and Diane's marriage looks good on the outside but like most marriages there's more going on (or not) inside. His wife Diane is uncharacteristically happy to the point that she's glowing like an alien from Cocoon. Their issue lies in exactly why is Diane so happy? Shelia and Troy are together, in love, and struggling financially; not unlike a good number of marriages. Angela and Marcus' issue is clear as day as Angela has no problem shouting out what her concerns are. Marcus is cheating and nobody can tell her different. To spice things up a bit Mike, the "villian" from WDIGM, returns and plays the third (7th) wheel, deep in reflection mode.
There are no standout performances in WDIGMT. Angela's performance was great in the first installment but a little much in the second. We get it, she's loud, obnoxious, and unreasonable. However, she has a vulnerable moment in the film that was the most endearing because it provided a glimpse into why she is the way she is. Kudos to Marcus because he has the patience of Job. The other performaces were pretty straightforward, not good, not bad. Janet cried her eyes out but that was understandable considering the year she's had. This film provided the perfect outlet for her to, as Gavin said, purge. I don't think anyone would begrudge her shedding some extra tears. I do feel I have seen Sheila and Troy's relationship before except it was Bird and Lem in Soul Food. Terry and Diane didn't really do too much. In the first installment they argued about real issues. In this film their previous issues are happily behind them and their current issue is handled rather meekly. The inclusion of their characters at all seemed rather unnecessary for the amount of attention they were given.
My other major critique is the absence of the female voice. Most of the marital problems in this film were caused by the women. With the exception of Gavin blacking out, the men all came across as "victims" of their wives' actions. Even as a man who has been known to call women crazy, I will admit that relationship/marital strife is caused by both parties. In some cases one party is more at fault than the other but in this film it was mostly the women causing the men (in the film and watching?) to ask why they got married.
As a film dealing with some serious issues Why Did I Get Married Too is a good start. There's a lot going on, arguably too much for one movie, and thus no one couple's issues are fleshed out enough, nor resolved convincingly. It's like a math problem that was presented and answered but the movie doesn't really show the work. From tumultuous beginnings happy endings just sort of "happen" after each couple's epiphany in the wake of tragedy. In the end all is right with the marital world. If only it were that simple. Despite its lack of depth WDIGMT does a good job of identifying marital issues that exist beyond just cheating. It has funny moments, melo-dramatic daytime emmy worthy moments, and some inner soul searching moments. I certainly did not leave the film asking myself why did I watch this movie? I trust you won't either.
C+ (grade inflation is a mutha) C-
Plenty of people have problems with Tyler Perry, I am not one of them. I won't go so far as to say that he is producing stellar, awe inspiring cinema, but not every filmmaker does. Just because he's black I don't hold him to a standard above what is afforded to filmakers outside of the Black community. If Adam Sandler can urge (un)funny people not to mess with the Zohan, by all means, TP can get his chuckles and tears in where they fit in. And where they fit is squarely outside of Hollywood. TP bears the burden of being the most prominent black filmmaker but it's a good burden to have. I will also add that Tyler Perry studios definitely needs outside writers. I'm sure there are plenty of burgeoning writers looking for an opportunity. Opportunities that would help diversify TP Studios offerings and make it a vehicle for more black films and not just Perry's black films. Overall though, I don't knock his hustle because unlike other successful black entreprenuers, his hustle isn't detrimental to the community it aims to serve and he is committed to pursuing it with his own dollars.
You know the old saying, some people you know for a season, some for a lifetime...something like that. Sometimes we forget when the seasons have changed. Cats are wearing goose down bomber jackets, ski hats, gloves and scarves and it's "96 degrees in the shade." Same things go for our friends. The seasons changed and we're still fronting like we cool. Let facebook tell it, I'm a helluva popular guy. I have 265 friends! TWO-HUNNIT AND SIXTY FIVE! I know that pales in comparison to the numbers in some of y'all's cypher but it's a lot for me. If there was a way for me to get a c-note or a grand for every friend on my social network, I'd be adding erybody but right now it only amounts to e-traffic. There's a reason it's called Spring cleaning, and friendship assessment is no different.
Twitter is my half exception to this need for Spring cleaning. Every now and then you should prune your follow/follower lists but with Twitter there isn't this "we've been friends forever" vibe. It's moreso, I like what you have to say and am interested in seeing and sharing thoughts. And if you all of a sudden decide you aren't interested any longer, you stop following, no hard feelings. Sure some take it personal but for the most part they don't mind because they probably weren't feeling you too tough any more either.
My other exception is business. If your social network is for business purposes do the damn thing. Shoot, I encourage it. Feel free to be a fan; as I always say, mental patronage is always welcome. I like the connections I have made through twitter and other blogs. I value those relationships more than the pseudo anti-semetic, divisive bastids from first grade I "refriended" on fb. If your friend numbers are through the roof and have a dual purpose of informing the world of your talents, services, and events; make it happen and I am happy to add my support. Maybe for those type of relationships the term should be changed from friends to colleagues or associates. But if you support me same as I support you, you're more of a friend than 85% of my current 265. We should create a GTFOH lists for those nosey Mrs. Kravitz tryna be all in your Kool-Aid folks and give their asses the winter boot.
Posted by Mr. A on Thursday, April 1, 2010 / Labels: Analyze This
I previously posted something similar to this topic and it can be viewed here. Don't feel like reading it, I can dig, let's continue.
This has been a week of Badu's booty, talking bout teabaggers, krazy katts, additional dialogue on inter-racial dating, so on and so forth. Yet all I am concerned about is my coursework, these damn student loans, and the grey anatomy of my foggy mind. I know I need to dig a little deeper but for some reason I get about as deep as a sitz bath. Sure I'm Mr. Analytical, with overanalytical tendencies but maybe I'm just overanalyzing why 2+2=4.
Erykah's video caused quite a stir and many folks were quick to chime in their applause or disdain for it. Me? As I watched it I was only concerned about at what point would she reveal "more of herself." Every analysis I read has valid critiques and insight about the meaning of the video. Me? It's an artistic Bootielicous in one take. When I listen to the song w/out the video, I pay attention to the melody, lyrics, alladat. The video, I guess I "got it" but it really had no impact on me, my concerns, or any concerns that are important in "my world." I feel I know what my group would think and it's not even close to revolutionary or evolutionary.
Teabaggers and all of the back and forth? *crickets* The only insight I have thus far is this previous post on capitalism.
Katt Stacks...I feel some type of way about it which I have commented on other blogs but with an attention span such as mine, I'm already past it.
More talk about inter-racial dating and this seemingly increasing divide between men and women. Blah! I'm not dismissing it but I'm not into animal cruelty so you can continue to beat that horse but I don't want to (re)join in. However, I reserve the right to re-visit...whenever.
So, here I'm is, this is what (who) I am, Lil Analytical Walter, wading in the shallow water that some Bohemians shoved me in. I talk about choices, snow days, philly parking, and lazy media outlets. No riots are incited over here. Epiphanies? I think not. Does this mean I am not worthy of my name? Am I too shallow and topical to double dutch with the geniuses of the world? Perhaps; but then if that's the case I'm too slow to know it, so onward and upward.
What's deep to you? What's your "shallow" focus? Any deep subject suggestions?
I know this may come across as a wtf post...but I had to put something up to keep trying to build momentum. Roll with me...